INSIDE THE MIND OF A CHEAT
Eseohe was frantically pacing the length of her studio apartment, clenching her fists, with hot tears pouring down her plump cheeks. She couldn’t believe this was happening to her. I mean Tolu was the perfect guy, he was calm, loving, nice, meek, dashingly handsome and so innocent. How can such an innocent guy do such a terrible thing, it doesn’t make any sense. “Rahhh, he must have been acting the whole time, this man really took me fi idiat”, she said to herself.
The story above depicts a heart-broken woman, who has just been betrayed by her boy-friend. He had been unfaithful to her with another woman. Eseohe is curious to know what was going on in his mind. Did he even stop to think about her, when he did what he did? Did he think the other woman was worth more than her?
We all speculate on how a liar, a cheat or a deceitful person reasons. We say, “Oh he/she is a Yoruba demon, Or ask how they can possibly do this to us”. I know this is a hard ask but let us put ourselves in the shoes of this presumed demon until we reach the end of this blog-post.
A couple of days ago, I was listening to a podcast called, “Hidden Brain”. Dan Ariely, a Professor of Behavioural Economics at Duke University was referenced by the host of the podcast. Ariely postulated a theory about the Brain’s adaptability in telling lies. He argues that the first few times, most people tell a lie, their brains sends a shock signal to their bodies, informing them of the fault in their action. After a number of consistent lies, the Brain shuts off and fails to alert them. At this point lying becomes more instinctive and when faced with confrontation, we unconsciously lie, without deliberating on the morality of doing so.
Now let’s apply Professor Ariely’s postulation. Eseohe has an assumption that, Tolu definitely must have gone through the process of thinking and not prioritising her feelings, in all the lies he told her, during the process of cheating on her. This may be true, but as Ariely argues, Tolu may unconsciously have lied, without making any rational decision in his mind.
In addition to this, Ariely also explains that we do not solely make a deceitful decision, based on if we think we will get caught and/or the level of punishment we will receive if caught. Our brains make a conscious effort to cheat and still feel good about ourselves. Hence, we cheat up to the level that we can feel good about ourselves. This is called the ‘Fudge Factor’.
Tolu was able to feel like a decent human-being, because he could justify his action. He made up a story of how he wasn’t as bad as his friends, as it was only a one-time thing.
Ariely’s Fudge Factor theory doesn’t solely apply to Yoruba Demons, it applies to all humans. A number of us justify every little lie we tell, in our every-day lives. The aim of this post is not to defend all the Tolus’ out there, but to give an insight into how some of them reason.
Lying and Cheating is a very selfish trait that we humans exhibit, mostly because of the ripple effect that the liar has set in motion. The most prolific liars are neither the smartest nor the most evil people, but the most creative.
Ciao
